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I have deleted or deactivated all of my social media accounts except for Instagram. Being a public figure, even one as small-scale as I am, means that people have a lot of opinions about whatever I put out into the world. That’s their right, and that’s the reality of being someone who makes content for public consumption. Once it’s in the world, you can’t really control how people will receive it, regardless of what your intentions in making it were. And as much as I love feedback (I often joke that I have an “edit me, daddy” vibe to my writing process), I don’t know that humans were designed to be receiving the amount of feedback presently available to us.
I never read the comments but when people bring their feedback to your mentions or your inbox, it’s much harder to ignore. And because I am someone who takes critique seriously and am always trying to do my best, I have a tendency to want to over-explain myself (I am an autistic person with five of my big six placements in Sagittarius, Virgo, or Aquarius so). The determination that many people have to offer the worst-faith interpretations of my work—or even just who I am as a person—gets exhausting.
I was enjoying using TikTok until Libs of TikTok posted about me. Even locking down, tightening all my settings, and waiting months has done nothing to make the app usable for me again. Anytime I post, people leave horrible, transphobic comments. I have changed my settings to only allow mutuals to engage but that limits interaction to the point that it’s nearly non-existent. And even though I haven’t posted in two months, disgrace to the community Buck Angel insists on stitching my videos and say that the harassment I’m receiving is “karma” for making a video he didn’t like. I don’t know whether or not I’ll be back there; the joy is gone.
Twitter, where I used to have a lot of community and find a lot of work, has not felt the same since Elon’s takeover, that’s true. But it’s also the place where I get dragged to filth by people who don’t know anything about me or my work. It’s the place where I try really hard to be in community with other women’s sports writers but constantly feel like I’m on the outside of the group, like I’ve done something wrong that I’m unaware of and that potentially most people don’t like me and I don’t even know it. And then I get worried that maybe I’m just being self-centered and no one dislikes me, it’s more benign than that and they just don’t even really think about me.
Dealing with the realization that I am autistic has meant noticing these social patterns that have cropped up throughout my life: feeling like I am constantly over-explaining myself but people still misconstrue my words or intentions; feeling like I am on the outside of communities that should feel like “mine” but not really knowing why; feeling like I am constantly investing in other people or their work but not getting the same thing in return; having friends or groups of friends that feel really good and then they fizzle out and I’m never quite sure what happened. That all feels amplified for me lately on social media.
For my astrology girlies (gender neutral), this most recent eclipse season has been hitting my 10th House of public image and career. Mercury is currently retrograde in that house, too. And there’s a Mars/Saturn conjunction happening in my 9th House of moral and ethical matters, academics, and so forth. The messages I keep getting are telling me that it’s time to rethink the way I show up publicly.
So I’m trying this: Instagram is fun for me and I want to be there so I’m going to stay. I’ll be here on Substack. Other than that, I’ll just be putting my head down and doing the work I love to do. I’m going to let that speak for itself. I have spent the last two weeks walking around feeling like my insides have been hollowed out, feeling flat, feeling lonely, feeling sort of helpless. So I’m going to lean into the places my public image and engagement still brings me joy.
Thanks for being here.
Culture-related reading
At
, breaks down Fletcher and Shannon’s Roman Empire: “These public offerings of vulnerability only strengthen the sense of connection fans feel to these women and the idea that they are somehow representing what we’re looking for as viewers or listeners. The drama is fun, no doubt, but there’s something more compelling and even enriching going on here.”At Autostraddle, Drew Burnett Gregory calls Challengers “catnip for bisexuals”
From Tom Ripley to George Santos, why pop culture keeps falling for the “gay liar”: “Despite the long history of queer people being mischaracterized and indeed demonized by the media, I find myself drawn to these villains—and not just because they’re so often dramatic in a distinctly gay way… In a sea of tepid LGBTQ+ representation, even the most prolific Gay Liars can spark more honest conversations.”1
Are you watching Mary & George starring Julianne Moore and Nicholas Galitzine? You should be! It’s very gay and an unexpected delight. Also, I loved this interview with the show’s costume designer, Annie Symons.
Loved this piece by
on the “quiet desperation” of columnists like the NYT’s Pamela Paul: “There is no reason for there to be even one shitty New York Times columnist. They can hire anybody they want. Anybody. The existence of shitty New York Times columnists, therefore, is an unimportant thing that reveals some important things about the myths of meritocracy.”As a gift to sapphics everywhere, Megan Thee Stallion was on the cover of Women’s Health magazine: “I am very much a flower, but my flower has thorns.” (Major trigger warning in the article for fatphobia and discussions of intentional weight loss through diet and exercise.)
- takes a deep dive into the long-floundering career of J.Lo: “Lopez had been riding high as an actress and spokesmodel before a few ill-advised moves caused her brand to take a hit. Now, Lopez is a case study of a celebrity that failed to catch the shifts of this decade.”2
- ’ “Hate Read” is taking the internet by storm. Fast Company interviewed about making the internet fun again (“Nothing in life is going to be as fun as making weird stuff with or for your friends. That’s the only thing that’s reliably satisfying.), while Delia appeared on CBC’s Commotion alongside to talk about “mean criticism” and “what we lose when critics pull their punches.”
- on why Jojo Siwa still has a lot of growing up to do
At Interview magazine, “It Boy” Nicholas Galitzine talks to his “The Idea of You” co-star Anne Hathaway about their their shared love of Arsenal football.
BookTokkers have declared a clip from an audio adaptation of 1984, in which a character played by Andrew Garfield is being tourtured by a character played by Andrew Scott, to be “hot” and
explains why that feels kind of ickyA Room of One’s Own has made very extensive book pairings for Love Lies Bleeding
Joan Summers and Matthew Lawson went on NPR's "It's Been a Minute" to talk about their ongoing series "Child Star Hell," which explores the exploitation of child actors in Hollywood. If you aren’t listening to their podcast, Eating For Free, I can’t recommend it enough. I love it (the Jonas Brothers series is excellent).
Padma Lakshmi in Harper’s Bazaar US saying, “I’m my own daddy now” is everything.
Nicola Coughlan looks STUNNING in Harper’s Bazaar UK: “I hope I can show the world, along with myself, that sometimes the oddball in the corner can take centre-stage.”
Trans Stylists and Makeup Artists Are Reshaping Red Carpet Looks. Will They Get the Credit They’re Due?
At Flaming Hydra, Shudra Haider examines on-screen representations of editors: “The role of a fictional editor, in turn, corresponds to that of the beleaguered police captain, barking orders and furrowing brows, granting either official censure or grudging permission to a protagonist who had enough gumption to bend the rules. These kinds of things do happen, but in my experience, most conflicts between writers and editors take the form of protracted correspondences about sentence structure.”
If bad gays are your thing, may I recommend the “Bad Gays” podcast and book?
Maybe I will write about it sometime but I actually hate the panning that her recent visual album and documentary are receiving; I actually kind of loved both.
Good for you for changing up your social media boundaries. Working on doing the same! Just want to note that I've really loved what you've been writing and I'm glad you're out there writing these important stories.
Just wanted to say that I felt the exact same way about Twitter (did everyone hate me? etc.) it's the worst. And so infuriating that people make it their mission just to take the joy out of other people's lives. But yeah, maybe we all need a hard reset on social media.